


Turnadette: The Younger Years

by NurseTurner



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-06-07 05:44:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15212468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NurseTurner/pseuds/NurseTurner
Summary: What would have happend when Shelagh and Patrick would've met when they were still kids and Shelagh wouldn't have joined the Order. Some fluff as well as some angst





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first multichapter fanfic, and the first fanfic I'm posting on here! English isn't my native language, so I apologise for any spelling and/or grammar mistake. Enjoy!

Shelagh Mannion sits in a corner of the room, her back turned to the other children. She doesn't feel like playing with them. Not since her Mummy and Daddy suddenly left her and she was brought here. She holds her beloved teddy bear close to her, the last gift she got from her parents. Her Mummy had knitted a little blue cardigan for him to wear when it's cold. Shelagh brought it with her in her small suitcase. She looks up when someone kneels down next to her.

"Shelagh dear, why don't you go and play with the other kids?" The woman asks gently.

Shelagh looks at the woman. She's the same age as her Mummy was, but she's looking different. Her head is covered with something white, she doesn't remember what it's called. The woman is wearing a wooden cross and a blue, woolen dress. Her Mummy always wore floral dresses.

"I don't want to. They're mean to me. They call me Four Eyes. When are Mummy and Daddy coming back? I want to go home!" Shelagh starts sobbing and buries her face in the woman's habit. The woman, who's name is Sister Julienne, sighs and picks the little girl up.

"Oh my dear. I'm afraid this is your home now. Shhh, please don't cry." Sister Julienne's heart breaks when she hears the little girl sobbing. She's only four years old, of course she doesn't understand what's going on. And the older boys bullying her because of her glasses won't make things better either. The Sister sighs again before carrying Shelagh over to her office, to give the girl some time to calm down and take a nap while Sister Julienne sings for her.

On her way to the office, she runs into Sister Evangelina, who's holding a young boy's hand and his suitcase.

"Still no improvement with Mannion, I see?" Sister Evangelina sighs when Sister Julienne shakes her head.

"Poor thing. Can you come and give me a hand once she's calm and asleep? I've got a new boy here, his name is Patrick Turner. He lived in an orphanage in Liverpool, but that one closed down. We need to find him a bed and the paperwork needs to be done as well." 

Sister Julienne smiles warmly at the boy. 

"Hello there, young man. Or should I say Doctor Turner?" She points at his oversized white lab coat and his toy doctors bag.

"Yes, I want to be a doctor when I grow up! I can already make people feel better! I can make her feel better too!" Patrick points at Shelagh and starts unpacking his bag.

"Maybe some other time, okay? She isn't feeling very well now. You should go with Sister Evangelina. I'll see you in a bit." Sister Julienne closes the door of her office. Patrick frowns. He's worried about the girl, but he doesn't have much time to think about it when Sister Evangelina takes him upstairs.

XX

Patrick doesn't see her again until three days later, when all the kids are playing outside. She's sitting in the corner of the garden, playing with her teddy bear. He's about to ask if he can join her when he sees the older boys making their way over to her.

"Hey! Four Eyes! What's that you've got?" 

Shelagh just stares at the boys, clutching her bear to her chest. One of the boys pushes her hard and she falls to the ground.

"He asked you something! Didn't your parents teach you it's rude not to answer? Give me that!" The boy starts pulling at the teddy bear in Shelagh's arms.

"Let go! He's mine! Leave me alone!" Shelagh's little fists start hitting the boy's arms, but he barely feels it. Instead, he pulls harder. Another boy pulls her glasses of her face and runs away. Shelagh turns to the boy, but the sound of ripping fabric makes her turn back immediately. One of the ears of her teddy bear was ripped off.

"All right! That's enough!" Sister Evangelina grabs the boys, who try to run away, but the nun is faster.

 

You are all coming into the office right now! And you're lucky Sister Julienne is in charge, because if it was up to me, you'd be in a lot of trouble!" 

Patrick had been staring at the Sister and the boys until then, but he caught sight of Shelagh sobbing and trying to put the ear back on the bear's head. He grabs his bag and runs to Shelagh, nearly tripping over his coat.

"I'm a doctor! I can help!" He takes his toy stethoscope out of his bag 'examines' the bear.

"He needs to have surgery to fix his ear, but he will be fine. I know someone who can help him!" Patrick grabs the bear and runs over to an elderly Sister who's busy eating cake.

"Sister! Sister! Can you help this poor bear? He needs to have surgery."

The Sister sighs dramatically and looks down at the bear. "There is no need to shout, young man. This little bear will have his ear back. Would you get me my knitting bag? I would go and get it myself, but I fear Sister Evangelina will steal my cake if I leave it unsupervised." 

As soon as he brought the Sister her knitting bag, he sits down next to Shelagh and wraps an arm around her.

"You don't have to cry, Sister Monica Joan will help him. She will be done soon!"

After five minutes, Sister Monica Joan hands the bear back to Shelagh, who gives the Sister a small smile.

"Thank you, Sister." She whispers.

"You are welcome, child. Now, I need to return to my previous task and finish this delicious cake."

Shelagh watches the Sister for a few more moments before she turns around to look for the boy who saved her teddy bear. He's sitting a few meters away from her, looking for something in his bag. He looks up and waves.

"I got a plaster for your bear! He needs to wear it, his ear will recover sooner if he does." Patrick falls silent as he sees the look on Shelagh's face. 

"What's wrong?"

"I want my Mummy and Daddy to come back. They think my glasses are pretty and don't call me Four Eyes." She wipes her nose on her sleeve.

"Oh. Do you know when they will be back?" Shelagh shakes her head. 

"Oh. Well, I think your glasses are pretty too. And if you want, we can play together until your Mummy and Daddy come back? You can be my nurse and help me, if you want." Patrick asks hopefully. Shelagh nods and joins him. From a distance, Sister Julienne and Sister Evangelina watch them. 

"Looks like Mannion finally found someone she likes. Let's hope they can stay together for a few more weeks." Sister Evangelina turns around and walks back inside. Sister Julienne watches the children for a little bit longer and hopes her Sister is right.

XX

During the following weeks, Patrick and Shelagh become really good friends. Shelagh likes playing with him so much that Sister Julienne makes her a little nurse's uniform, so they can pretend they're working in a hospital. On a cold December afternoon, she's looking for Patrick, only to find him standing in front of two strangers. He's wearing his coat and his suitcase is standing at his feet.

"Paddy! Paddy! Come on, let's go and play!" 

"He can't come, sweetie. He's coming with us, to his new home." The male stranger tells her.

"Oh. When is he coming back? Can I come too?"

Sister Julienne sighs. She had feared this would happen. She bends to pick Shelagh up.

"Patrick is going back to Liverpool, dear, with his new parents. You can't go with him." 

"Why not? I want to go with him!" Shelagh cries. Patrick looks up at his new parents with big eyes.

"Can we please take her? She's my best friend and I promise we will be good and we won't make a mess!" 

"No, we can't take her, Patrick. Now, come on, your new brother and sister are waiting for you." The strange woman takes Patrick by his hand. When they walk out of the door, Shelagh starts crying. 

"Let me go! Let me go!" 

Sister Monica Joan hears the screaming and tries to calm Shelagh down.

"Hush, my child. There is no need to be upset. All shall be well. Come, I think a slice of cake will help you calm down. Cake is the answer to everything." 

“No, it isn’t! And she doesn’t need cake to comfort her. What she needs is some peace and quiet. And a lot of love. We can give that to her.“ Sister Evangelina snarls before taking the little girl from Sister Julienne’s arms. 

“Come on, let’s go and see if we can find your coat and then you can help me choose a Christmas tree. The biggest tree we can find, okay?”

Sister Julienne turns back to Sister Monica Joan, who smiles. 

“They will meet again. It’s written in the starts. You mark my word, they will meet again.”

Sister Julienne hopes she’s right.


	2. Chapter 2

20 years later, Shelagh Mannion looks in the mirror and puts some more hair pins in her hair, before applying some more lipstick. Her best friend Trixie had convinced her to go on a date with one of the junior doctors who works at The London, where she’s finishing nursing school. Trixie is coming too, with a junior doctor who just started working at the hospital. Shelagh sighs and stares at her reflection.

“Shelagh, hurry up! They’re going to be here in a minute and I don’t want to wait for you!”

“Yes, I’m coming! Just a second!” Shelagh sits down on her bed and picks up her teddy bear. She strokes his ear and sighs. She hadn’t heard anything from Patrick since the day he left the orphanage. She had hoped he would try to find her, but after all those years, she had stopped hoping.

“SHELAGH THEY’RE HERE. WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO LONG?”

“I’M COMING. I CAN’T FIND MY SHOES!” Shelagh wipes away the tears that are rolling down her cheeks and checks if her make-up wasn’t ruined by them. Just when she’s about to open the door, someone else does and runs into her.

“Oh, I’m sorry! I don’t think this is the bathroom…” the man mumbles. Shelagh steadies herself and looks up to the man. His face looks really familiar to her, but she doesn’t know where she’s seen him before. She steps back and blushes.

“No, this is my bedroom.”

“I see. I’m so-” His eyes wander to the teddy bear that is sitting next to Shelagh’s pillow. He looks confused for a couple of seconds, but then his eyes light up.

“Shelagh? Shelagh Mannion? It’s me, Patrick! Or Paddy, as you used to call me!”

“… Paddy?! Is it really you?!” Before Patrick can answer that question, Shelagh has launched herself at him and wraps her arms around his neck. “I’m so happy to see you! What are you doing here?” Shelagh takes a good look at him. He’s very handsome, and his hair has only become more stubborn and floppy during the years.

“I’m going out with Trixie tonight. I’m joining you and some guy named John. Is he your boyfriend?”

“No, he isn’t. I’m not as interested in boys as Trixie is. Are you and Trixie… dating?”

“No, we’re not. At least, I think we’re not. Trixie might feel different about that. But we should probably go, they’re waiting for us. We can catch up in the pub!”

XX

A few hours later, Shelagh and Patrick are still sitting at the table, talking about everything they’ve done since the last time they saw each other. Trixie doesn’t mind, she knows how much Patrick means to her best friend, but John isn’t very happy with Patrick. He coughs to get Shelagh’s attention.

“Shelagh, maybe we can go outside to get some fresh air?” John gets up and holds out his hand to Shelagh. She hesitates, but nods. Once they are outside, John pushes Shelagh in the direction of a dark alley.

“John? What are you doing?”

“I just want to spend some time with my girl. Come on, give me a kiss.” John grabs Shelagh’s cheek and tries to kiss her, but Shelagh pushes him away.

“John, don’t. I like you as a friend, but nothing more. We should go back inside again.” John pushes her back against the wall a little more forcefully and shoves his hand between her legs.

“Let me go, stop!” Shelagh pushes at his shoulders, but she can’t push him away. Suddenly, John is pulled away from her and thrown to the ground.

“Keep your dirty hands off her! And the next time you touch her, a certain body part of yours will meet my stilettos and that will be less pleasant than being thrown to the ground!” Trixie screams. Patrick has pulled Shelagh to his chest and blocks her from John’s view. He decides to pull Trixie with him before she seriously injures John.

“Come on. I’ll take you back to Nonnatus and I’ll check you over once we’re there.”

XX

Shelagh sits in her room and tries to shake away the feeling of John’s hand between her legs. Patrick is downstairs, getting her a glass of water and some medicine to help her sleep. He opens the door softly, since the other nurses and nuns are asleep.

“Are you feeling better already?” He asks softly when he sits down next to her.

“Sort of. He didn’t hurt me, but the feeling of his hand…” She shudders.

“Here, take this. It will help you sleep.” Patrick picks up her teddy bear. During the years, the plaster he had given her had become dirty. But it was still on the bear’s ear. He chuckles.

“I remember asking you if you wanted to be my nurse. My nurse. During medical school, we would always make jokes who would end up with his ‘own’ nurse. I had my own when I was only five years old.”

“Do you want one? A nurse of your own?” Shelagh asks.

“Well, yes, but I don’t seem to run into someone who could be that person for me. Do you mind if I stay here? I’ve already missed my curfew at the boarding house. I’ll go sleep on the couch, if you’re tired.”

“I’m not tired yet. And I’ve missed you for so long, I don’t mind it if you want to stay for a while longer.” Patrick smiles and picks up Shelagh’s teddy bear.

“I can’t believe you still have him. Do you still sleep with him?”

“Yes. He reminds me of my parents. And of you. I really missed you, Patrick.” Shelagh smiles and removes some dust from his tie. Patrick takes her hand and caresses it.

“I missed you too. I always wondered how you were doing, but I didn’t know if you would remember or recognise me. That’s why I didn’t contact you. I certainly didn’t recognise you when I saw you earlier. You’re really grown up now. Really beautiful as well.” He whispers.

Shelagh feels as if she forgot how to breathe when she looks into Patrick’s eyes. She realises her face is probably a dark shade of red and blushes even more.  
“You’re really cute when you blush too.” He whispers before he presses his lips to hers. It takes Shelagh a few moments to realise what is happening. Unlike John’s kiss earlier, she really likes this kiss and she wants it to go on forever. But as soon as it started, it’s over again when Patrick pulls away.

“I’m sorry. That was unforgivable.”

“Who is it to decide what’s forgivable and unforgivable?” She pulls his mouth back to hers and kisses him hard. Patrick moans softly, but pulls away a few minutes later.

“Shelagh. Shelagh darling, as much as I enjoy kissing you, I don’t want to push things too far too soon. And you’ve been assaulted earlier this evening. You need to get some rest.” Patrick tries to get off the bed, but Shelagh grabs his arm and pulls him back.

“Don’t you dare leaving me again, Patrick Turner. You aren’t going anywhere.”

“But we’re in a convent. What if the Sisters see us?”

“They’ll forgive us. I haven’t felt this safe since my parents died, Patrick. You’re here with me and that’s all that matters to me now. So don’t you dare leaving me here.” Patrick pulls Shelagh close and covers them both with the blankets.

“All right. I won’t leave, but we can’t do this tomorrow and I have to leave early. If Sister Evangelina sees me, I won’t live to tell the tale.” Patrick looks down at Shelagh, but she’s fast asleep already. He smiles and turns off the light.

“Goodnight, my love.”

XX

Sister Julienne decides to get up early, to do some paperwork before Lauds. She’s almost finished when she hears a loud thump, a curse, followed by a giggle. She frowns, was that Shelagh giggling? She decides to take a quick look and is greeted by the sight of Patrick and Shelagh walking to the door.

“Next time we’re turning on a light. I feel like I broke my toe when I stubbed it on that table.” Patrick softly complains.

“You haven’t changed a bit. Still acting like you’re dying when you hurt yourself.” Shelagh smiles.

“You haven’t changed that much either. Still that cheeky little nurse. The only thing that changed about you is how gorgeous you are. I can’t believe how lucky I am to be allowed to kiss you.” Shelagh wraps her arms around her neck.

“Maybe you’ll believe if you kiss me again.”

They don’t part until they need to take a breath. Patrick presses his forehead again Shelagh’s, catching his breath.

“I forgot to ask you something really important.”

“Which is?”

“Would you like to be my nurse? My very own nurse with whom I can cuddle, kiss and show off to every doctor at the London?”

“I would love to be your nurse, doctor Turner. But you really should go now, the nuns can come down for Lauds any minute.” Shelagh presses one last kiss to his swollen lips. “I love you, Paddy Turner.”

“I love you too, Shelagh Mannion.”

When Shelagh has watched Patrick disappear in the dark, she sighs and closes the door. Her eyes meet Sister Julienne’s. She’s afraid the Sister is going to scold her, but when Sister Julienne smiles and winks at her, Shelagh sighs and smiles too, before hurrying back to her room.

When Sister Julienne is in the chapel a few minutes later, she prays for her little girl and her newfound love, and hopes it won’t be too long before she can call her Nurse Turner. Sister Monica Joan is standing next to her and bends over to whisper something in her ear.

“I told you they would meet again. The stars do not lie.”

Sister Julienne smiled. She was right. Her little girl was going to be just fine.


	3. Chapter 3

Patrick and Shelagh have been courting for three months when Shelagh passes her final exams at nursing school. On the day she heared that she passed them, Patrick is working at the London. Once she has left the teacher’s office, she runs down the corridors, straight into Patrick’s office. Patrick immediately looks up from the files he’s reading. 

“Shelagh? What on earth is wrong? Aren’t you feeling well?’

“I couldn’t feel better, Patrick. I passed my exams! I’m officially a nurse now!”

Patrick jumps up from his chair and lifts Shelagh up. 

“Oh sweetheart, that’s amazing! Congratulations! You’re officially my nurse now. I couldn’t be more proud of you. But I already knew you were going to pass, so I got you a special gift.”

He walks over to his desk and retrieves something from one of the drawers. 

“Close your eyes.”

Shelagh giggles and closes her eyes. She feels Patrick’s hands reach around her neck and something cool touches her skin. 

“You can open your eyes now. I hope you like it.”

Shelagh turns to the mirror and gasps softly. Patrick’s gift is a golden necklace, with a small pendant in the shape of a heart.

“Oh Patrick, it’s lovely! Where did you find this?”

“It was my mother’s. They gave it to me after she passed away. I decided I would give it to the woman who would steal my heart. And you stole my heart from the moment I saw you again.” Patrick whispers before he kisses her softly. Shelagh blinks the tears from her eyes.

“I love you so much. I wish I would be able to give you something special, but I don’t have anything.” She whispers.

“You already giving me your love. That’s very special, I don’t need anything else.” He pulls her into his lap and strokes her hair. They stay like that for a couple of minutes.

“Shelagh?”

“Hmm?”

“How would you feel about helping me out in my surgery? I think I want to open a surgery in Poplar. So many people there need medical help, but they can’t afford it. The Sisters and nurses from Nonnatus can help us out. You know, district rounds, maybe we can even open a maternity home!” 

“You’re always full of ideas, aren’t you? Always thinking of ways to help people. I think it’s a lovely idea, Patrick, of course I will help you. You’ll need a receptionist. And someone to sort out your ties. Your choices are… appropriate, but not very fashionable.”

“Well, if you want to choose what ties I wear, you have to marry me.” Patrick teases. He actually likes the idea of marrying Shelagh. He would love to spend the rest of his life with her, waking up next to her and running around the house with tiny versions of his girlfriend.

“Yes, that’s true. Maybe it’s time that you ask me to marry you, then.” Shelagh grins and jumps off his lap. Before he can make a remark, she has left his office. Patrick leans back into his chair and starts thinking.

XX

A few days later, Patrick and Shelagh are helping Sister Monica Joan in the garden on their day off. Shelagh is taking care of the roses, whilst Patrick is responsible for trimming the hedge. Or at least, she thinks he is. Patrick is watching her out of the corner of his eye, waiting until she finds the box he’s hidden there earlier. 

“Patrick, you should watch what you’re doing. I don’t want you cutting yourself. If you get hurt, you can’t help your patients… What on earth? Who puts this here?”

Shelagh picks up a small parcel, which had been wrapped in a white cloth. She unwraps the cloth and reveals a small brown box. She opens the box to find a golden ring, with a single diamond. When she doesn’t move or makes a sound, Patrick gently takes the ring from the box and kneels in front of her. 

“Shelagh Mannion, do you want to be my wife?”

“Oh Patrick… Of course I want to be your wife, I thought you’d never ask.” She whispers.

Patrick grins and places the ring on her finger. He is about to kiss her when an excited squeal ruins the romantic scene.

“THEY’RE GETTING MARRIED!”

“You can leave it to Trixie to ruin a romantic moment.” Shelagh sighs, but she can’t hide her smile. 

“She can ruin as many romantic moments as she wants. You’re going to be my wife, I don’t care about anything else.”

XX

It doesn’t take Trixie long to gather everyone in the kitchen so they can admire Shelagh’s engagement ring. After taking a short look at the ring, Sister Monica Joan exclaims that it’s the perfect occasion for cake and goes on a mission to find one. Sister Evangelina busies herself with making tea for everyone and Sister Julienne holds Shelagh’s hand.

“My dear girl. I’m so happy for you.” Sister Julienne smiles, her eyes filled with happy tears.

“Look at you. I still remember the day you came into the orphanage, you were so sad and quiet. And now you’re getting married. God had planned for you to meet this man, and I feel so sorry you had to live without him for so long.” Sister Julienne sighs. 

“Can you come into my office for a minute? I have something that I need to give to you.”

Shelagh nods and follows Sister Julienne into the office. She watches as the Sister retrieves two boxes from the bottom drawer in her desk. 

“You know what they say. On your wedding day, you should wear something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. I’m afraid I can’t help with your something new and something blue, but I can give you your something old and something borrowed.” Sister Julienne hands her the smaller box. When Shelagh opens it, she discovers a set of small pearl earrings. 

“I wore these on the day I took my vows. I hope you like them. And this used to be your Mummy’s. She gave it to me after you were born and asked me to save it for your wedding day.” The box contains a diamond bracelet and a small note. Shelagh picks up the note and reads it. 

“My sweet girl,

If you’re reading this, you’re about to get married. My little girl, you’re so grown up now, but I couldn’t be more proud of you. This bracelet was a gift from your father. I wore it on the happiest days of my life. I hope today will be the happiest day of your life too. Enjoy your big day, and when things get rough after today, always remember to keep smiling. 

We love you,  
Your Mummy and Daddy”

By the time Shelagh finished reading the note, she’s crying. She’s over the moon that she’s getting married with Patrick and she loves the bracelet and the earrings, but reality just kicked in. Her parents won’t be there to celebrate the happiest day of her life with her. Sister Julienne takes the jewelery from Shelagh’s hands and pulls her close.

“I know it’s tough, sweetheart, I really do. I was supposed to give you this on the day itself, but I thought you might want to have it now. That you would like to know that your parents are here with you, even though you can’t see them. They’re watching over you. And they will be there on your wedding day too.”

“I know they will. But that’s not why I’m crying. Well, a little bit, but I’m also crying because I just realised I won’t live at Nonnatus anymore after my wedding. I have to leave you behind. You are like my family, the family I never had. Yes, growing up without my parents was hard, but I had you. The nurses are my sisters. Sister Monica Joan is that crazy aunt everyone loves, no matter how crazy she is. Fred is my aunt. And Sister Evangelina… Well, I haven’t figured out which family member she is, yet, but she is my family. And you are my Mum. Everyone thinks I grew up without one, but I didn’t. Mummy wasn’t here, but you were. And I’m so grateful for that. I couldn’t have done everything I did without you. And that’s why I need your help with my something new.”

Sister Julienne wipes the tears away from her cheeks. 

“Of course I’ll help you, tell me what I can do.”

“Can you help me make my wedding dress? I can’t afford to buy one, and making it together with you will bring back memories. Remember when you made me that little nurse’s uniform and I was watching you doing that? Or when you made me that gorgeous blue dress for Christmas and I helped you? That’s how I remember growing up. Making and mending my own clothes, together with you in the living room. It would mean the world to me if we could do that with the most important dress of my life.”

Sister Julienne can only nod. She’s afraid she might burst into tears again if she speaks. 

There’s a soft knock on the door and Patrick comes in. 

“Is everything all right here? Sister Monica Joan has found a cake and she’s growing impatient. Oh, what’s that?’ Patrick points at the jewelery boxes.

“These are for the wedding. But you can’t see them until our wedding day, I don’t want to spoil anything. I’m going to take these to my room and then I’ll join you in the kitchen.” Shelagh presses a soft kiss to Patrick’s lips and disappears through the door. 

Patrick is about to leave too, when Sister Julienne calls him.

“Doctor Turner?”

“Yes, Sister?” 

“I know I don’t have to ask, but please be careful with her, okay? She’s been through so much, you both have, but I want her to be happy from now on. We can’t her shield her from everything, but please. She’s already lost too many things when she was young. I don’t think she’ll be able to cope with losing you.”

“I promise, Sister. But you also have to promise to be careful of yourself too. You mean the world to her. You are the mother she never had. And, since you’re going to be my mother-in-law, I think you should call me Patrick.” Patrick smiles.

“I’ll try. But I think I will be calling you Doctor Turner for now, if you don’t mind. Now, let’s eat this cake, before Sister Monica Joan eats it all by herself.”

They enter the hall just as Shelagh comes down the stairs. Sister Julienne sees how her face lights up at the sight of Patrick. She watches them walk into the kitchen hand in hand and says a little prayer, thanking God for bringing them together and asking Him to protect them at all costs.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where the angst starts! I promise things will get better eventually, but you have to get through some angst first to get there.

“Shelagh, have you already decided on a date for the wedding?” Trixie looks at Shelagh expectantly from the other side of the table. Shelagh swallows her mouthful of potatoes and smiles.

“We have decided on a date, yes. We thought it would be lovely to get married on Christmas Eve.”

“Christmas? You both hate Christmas, that’s what you always told me!” Sister Evangelina stops eating and frowns.

“I never said I hate Christmas, Sister. It’s just not my favourite time of the year, since it’s the time of the year where everyone spends a lot of time with their family. And even though I always had the Sisters, it felt different. My family wasn’t here to celebrate it with me. Patrick feels the same about it, so that’s why he suggested we get married at Christmas. So we can celebrate the start of our own family and turn Christmas into something positive.” All the nurses sigh after Shelagh’s finished talking.

“Ladies, remind me to find a man like Patrick. He is so romantic. I’m a little bit jealous, Shelagh!” Jenny admits.

“Yes, he’s really quite tremendous.” Shelagh says, trying to push away the memories of last night, when Patrick snuck into Nonnatus House after the Sisters went to compline. She had said the same thing to him then, but for a very different reason than being romantic. Sister Evangelina sees her blushing and narrows her eyes.

“Very well, whatever you please. But I won’t have him sneaking around here anymore. Yes, Nurse Mannion, don’t think I didn’t know he was here last night. Next time I see him sneaking in, I’ll make sure he’ll never do it again!”

“Yes, Sister.” Shelagh whispers. She wishes she could just vanish at that moment, because of the way Trixie and Jenny are looking at her. It’s a mixture of shock and amusement. Sister Julienne sees it too and decides to change the topic.

“Shelagh dear, Chummy is coming over after tea. We will take your measurements, so we can start working on your dress. Did you have anything particular in mind?”

“No, not really. I would like something simple, with long sleeves. I don’t want to be freezing on my wedding day!” Trixie gasps and almost jumps off her chair.

“I have seen the most perfect wedding dress for you! I know you don’t want to buy one, but I’m sure Chummy can create something similar. It has a lace top and the skirt is made of tule. It would look perfect on you! I’m going to get the magazine I saw it in, just a second!” Trixie nearly runs out of the dining room and up the stairs. 

XX  
Sister Julienne and Chummy both agree that the dress Trixie saw would look lovely on Shelagh, but Shelagh herself doesn’t know for sure yet. 

“It has long sleeves, but they’re lace. That’s not going to be very warm. Can you make the sleeves out of different material? Something that’s a bit warmer?” Shelagh asks Chummy. Chummy is about to answer when Trixie interrupts.

“You can hardly wear a wedding dress that’s made of wool, Shelagh! When Patrick sees you, he needs to think that you’re the most gorgeous woman he’s ever seen!”

“There’s no need to worry about that, old thing. Shelagh could wear a habit and he’d still think she’s gorgeous.” Chummy smiles. Shelagh is happy that Chummy stands up for her. Trixie is a lovely girl, but she can be quite fierce sometimes. “I can make you something warm for you to wear over your dress. You can take it off once you’re in the church, so you can still have the lace sleeves if you want.” Chummy starts looking through the box with different fabrics to look for something that would be useful. 

“That’s sounds perfect, thank you Chummy. Don’t give me that look, Trixie. You can help me pick out my outfit for the wedding night, if you’d like.” Trixie pouts a little, but realises picking out an outfit for the wedding night is much more exciting and starts pulling Shelagh with her.

“I know the perfect outfit for you. Patrick will love it. Come on, let’s go!” 

XX

About two hours later, Shelagh is walking back to Nonnatus, holding a paper bag that contains her outfit for the wedding night. When she thinks about it, she can feel herself blushing. It’s rather daring, something Shelagh wouldn’t have picked herself. But Trixie insisted on it and to be quite honest, Shelagh couldn’t wait to see how Patrick would react when he sees her in the outfit. She is so lost in her thoughts that she doesn’t see Patrick standing at the bike shed. Patrick chuckles and grabs her waist. 

“Penny for them?”

“Oh goodness, Patrick! You scared me! I didn’t see you. Why are you here? Are you waiting for one of the nurses?”

“Yes, I’m waiting for you. Sister Julienne invited me over for tea, she thought it would be a good idea if we would go for a walk afterwards. You’ve been so busy with all the wedding preparations that we’ve barely spent any time together.” Patrick chuckles again, but Shelagh can see something’s wrong.

“Patrick, you can’t fool me. Why are you really here?” Patrick sighs and takes her hand. 

“I can’t hide anything from you, can I? There’s something I need to tell you, but that can wait until tonight. I’m not having any second thoughts, don’t worry. I just… need to tell you something.”

“You might be able to wait, but I can’t. Please Patrick, tell me what’s wrong.” 

“Okay, but not here. In your room, maybe? No shenanigans, I promise.” Shelagh nods and takes Patrick to her room. Thankfully, they don’t run into Sister Evangelina. Sister Julienne did see them, but she only nodded at them, which made Shelagh more worried than she already was. Something was definitely wrong. Once the door is closed, Patrick leads her to the bed and sits down next to her.

“Have you heard the news?” When Shelagh shakes her head, Patrick sighs. “Britain and France have declared war on Germany. I’ve already received a letter saying that I need to be ready to go to the front, since I can be called off any day from now on. I’ve already told them that I’m engaged and that I don’t want to leave before the wedding, but they said that’s none of their business. That’s why I’m here. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to postpone the wedding, God knows how long this war will go on.”

Shelagh has to blink a couple of times to stop herself from crying. She knew that Germany had invaded Poland, but she had no idea that things would escalate so quickly and that it would mean that the big wedding she’d always dreamed of would have to be cancelled. “I don’t want to postpone it either, Patrick. But we have no choice. Our wedding is still three and a half months away, you might be away by then. We’ll cancel our big plans, but I want to get married to you. As soon as possible. Tomorrow.”

“Shelagh, are you sure about cancelling our plans? You told me you’ve always dreamed of a big wedding. I want to give you everything you want to make our day perfect.”

“Right now, the only thing I want is to be Mrs. Turner. As you said, we have no idea how long this war will continue, nor what will happen to us. But I do know that I don’t want to be without you for any longer. I don’t need a big wedding, I only need you.” Patrick pulls Shelagh close and tangles his fingers in her hair.

“We’ll get married first thing in the morning. And when this war’s over, we’ll have the big wedding, I promise you.” Shelagh tries to hold her tears back, but she breaks and starts sobbing.

“Don’t promise things, Patrick. What if I lose you again? It might take another 20 years for me to find you again, if you survive. Don’t tell me it can’t happen, I’ve heard plenty of stories of people who were called off to the front during the first World War and never returned.” Patrick is about to protest, but one look at Shelagh stops him from doing so. He tucks her hair behind her ear and kisses her softly before wiping her tears away.

“I know you’re scared. I’m scared too. But I’m not worried about dying, or finding you if you lost me. I don’t believe in God, but something up there brought us back together after all those years. We’re meant to be, Shelagh, even though that sounds really cheesy. Whatever brought us back together, will protect us. You know what? If I have to leave, and you’re scared about losing me, imagine this. In ten years’ time, we will have our own place here, in Poplar. We’ll sit in our garden, in the sun. There’s a three year old toddler bouncing around on the grass and I’ll be stroking your pregnant belly, shushing you whenever you’re complaining about the heat or that you’re waistline has completely vanished. Think of the better times that are going to come, okay? I can’t promise you things are going to be all right, but it will make it easier to keep going.” Shelagh buries her face in Patrick’s neck and wraps her arms around his neck. They stay like that for a couple of minutes, before Shelagh sits back.

“I love you, Patrick. And I hope you’re right, that everything will be alright. And I’m looking forward to having a three year old running around the house.” She smiles a little bit and wipes her tears away.

“So do I, love. And I love you too, soon-to-be Mrs. Turner. Come on, let’s go downstairs and tell everyone about our wedding plans.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Death, burns and blood

Shelagh and Patrick get married on the 4th of September, 1939. It’s a very simple and short ceremony, with only Trixie and one of Patrick’s friends there. All other wedding plans are cancelled or postponed until further notice. They do go on a short honeymoon, but they can only go to a chic hotel in the West End, since Patrick isn’t allowed to leave London in case he needs to go to the front. That’s also why they are still living at Nonnatus House, so Shelagh won’t be on her own when he leaves. It took him some time to get used to live with so many woman, but he got used to it. If he just lets Sister Evangelina have her bath in peace, he might survive.

But it seems that the people in London aren’t in immediate danger. Most of the fighting and bombing seems to be happening overseas. In September 1940, just three days after their first wedding anniversary, Shelagh and Patrick are walking around in Poplar. They sit down on a bench when they reach the docks and stare at the river.

Shelagh takes Patrick’s hand and touches his wedding ring. “You know. If we had known what we know now, we could have had our big wedding on Christmas Eve.”

“I was just thinking the same thing. I didn’t expect that it would be this… calm, if that’s the right word to describe it.” Patrick sighs. “Those poor people. I can’t imagine what life’s like for them. Having to be careful every minute of the day, to be afraid because those Germans can attack their city any minute. Not to mention the pain when their loved ones die in one of those attacks.” He imagines how he would feel if Shelagh would die in an attack. He shudders and pulls her closer to him. Being close to Shelagh brings him a lot of comfort, especially in times like these, when it seems the whole world has gone crazy. He lifts her chin and kisses her softly. Shelagh returns the kiss and they kiss for a few minutes, before Shelagh breaks away.

“Patrick, what’s that noise? Do you hear it too?” Patrick looks at the river again. He hears the noise Shelagh is talking about too. It’s the low rumble of an engine, which gets louder and louder as the seconds pass. He gets up when he sees an object in the sky that’s getting closer on the other side of the river. He thinks it’s a plane. When it gets closer, Patrick can tell it’s not just one plane. There are hundreds of them. 

“Shelagh, we need to run. Right now.”

“Why, what’s wrong?”

“Don’t ask any questions, just go!” Patrick grabs her hand and starts running at the moment the first bomb hits the water. A second one hits a house just a few blocks away. Shelagh screams, but Patrick doesn’t know if that’s because she’s afraid or because she got hurt. He doesn’t care at the moment, his first priority is to get them to a safe place. Luckily, they’re close to a bomb shelter. Patrick picks Shelagh up and starts running faster. They’re not the first to arrive in the safety of the shelter, but there aren’t many people there yet. Patrick makes his way over to the corner which is the furthest away from the entrance. He puts Shelagh down and starts checking her for any injuries. She has a scraped knee and a twisted ankle, but other than that she’s physically fine. 

The sound of the bombs falling down is deafening. There are still people coming in, but Patrick fears that most people on the streets won’t make it, judging by the sound of explosions. He makes himself as comfortable as possible and pulls Shelagh close to him. She’s shaking and crying.

“Patrick, what about everyone at Nonnatus? What if they don’t get to safety in time?” She tries to push herself away from Patrick, but screams again as a bomb hits the ground right above them. She buries her face in the crook of his neck and covers her ears with her hands, to draw out the sounds. Patrick wraps his arms around her and rocks her. He’s close to crying and screaming himself, but he needs to be strong for Shelagh.

“Think about the better times, love. Think of our little babies running around. Everything will be fine, I promise you. I’ll protect you.” He hears Shelagh mumbling, but can’t hear a word of what she says. It takes him a few minutes to realise she’s praying. Patrick doesn’t believe in God, but at that moment, he prays together with Shelagh, hoping it will be over soon. 

XX 

About two hours later, Patrick opens his eyes, confused about his surroundings. He must have fallen asleep. It takes him a few moments to realise where he is, but then the memories of the planes and the sound of bombs hitting the ground are coming back. Shelagh is asleep is his arms, her cheeks still wet from the tears she has cried. Patrick gently caresses her cheek, hoping the gesture won’t wake her up, but Shelagh immediately stirs and opens her eyes.

“Patrick?” She yaws and blinks the sleep from her eyes.

“I think it’s over, love. Do you want to go and check if everyone is alright at Nonnatus?” Shelagh nods and they both get up, ready to face whatever sight there are going to see once they get outside. Most buildings were knocked down by the bombs. There are a few people walking around, looking for their loved ones, but most of the people on the streets aren’t moving. Patrick pulls Shelagh close, staring at the ground so he doesn’t have to see the destruction and dead bodies around him. They’ve almost reached Nonnatus when they both hear a baby crying. The sound is coming from under a collapsed building. Patrick doesn’t hesitate for a moment and runs towards the building.

“Is somebody there? I’m a doctor, I can help!” He starts pulling away pieces of wood and stone. After a while, he can see a young woman lying under a collapsed wall, holding a small, crying toddler. She’s bleeding heavily and her arms and face are covered in burns. Most of the burns are third degree burns. For a minute, Patrick is afraid she’s dead, but the woman starts coughing and looks at Patrick.

“Sir… Please, take care of Timothy first. He’s not hurt.” Patrick nods and reaches for the crying boy. He runs back to Shelagh, handing Timothy to her. 

“His mother is still in there, but I think I can get her out. I have to be quick, before the rest of the building collapses on her. Hold him for me, would you?” Just as he turns around to get the boy’s mother out, the part of the building that was still standing collapses, right where Patrick was sitting a minute ago. Shelagh has to hold him back, because he wants to go back and get her out.

“Patrick, don’t! It’s not safe. And there’s nothing we can do for her anymore.” Patrick sighs and stares at the pile of rubble. He feels sorry for the little boy, who has to grow up without his mother. He knows how hard that is. But he also feels guilty, for not being able to save her. From what he saw, she was still young, about Shelagh’s age. He turns around and looks at Shelagh, who’s trying to shush the toddler and gently rubs his back. “We should go back to Nonnatus, Patrick. It’s not safe here. Perhaps one of the Sisters knows who this little guy is, and where his father lives, so we can bring him back.” 

XX

As soon as Shelagh and Patrick turn around the corner, they see Nonnatus House is still standing. They can’t say the same for the building next to it, however, and Shelagh says a quick prayer, thanking God for protecting the Nonnatuns. They quickly make their way inside, where they are greeted by Trixie launching herself at them.

“Thank God, you’re alive! We were so worried!”

“We were lucky enough to be near a bomb shelter. And we saw the planes coming. Is everyone okay here? Where did you hide?” Patrick helps Shelagh to sit down on a chair. “Could you bring me my medical bag? Shelagh scraped her knee and I really need to clean it.”

Trixie nods. “Sure. Who’s this little guy? Where did you find him?” 

“We found him and his mother in a collapsed building. Patrick took him out, but the rest of the building collapsed before we could save her. We were wondering if the Sisters know who his father is.” Shelagh wipes a bit of dust off the boy’s jumper. 

“Well, if that isn’t little Timothy! Where’s your Mummy, little one? Did you run away from her?” Sister Evangelina rounds the corner, carrying Patrick’s medical bag. When she sees the look in Shelagh’s eyes, she knows what happened. “Poor kid. First his father, now his mother. I still don’t understand why this bloody war hasn’t been ended yet. The orphanages are bursting at their seams! It will be difficult to find a place for this little one.” 

“Do you mean his father died too?” Shelagh winces when Patrick cleans the scrape on her knee, but she tries to ignore the pain.

“Yes, he was working on the docks in Southampton last month when the Germans came. He was killed instantly.” Shelagh looks down at the little boy in her arms, who had cried himself to sleep. She felt terribly sorry for the boy. She remembered what it felt like when her parents died, how alone she felt. 

“We don’t have to bring him to an orphanage, do we?” Patrick looks up from Shelagh’s knee and frowns.

“Do you want to adopt him? I thought you wanted to have children of our own.”

“I do, but we’ve been trying for some time now and I’m still not pregnant. Besides, I didn’t say anything about adopting. And the reason why I don’t want to bring him to an orphanage is because I know how horrible it is to be there. To see all your friends getting adopted and moving in with their new family, but nobody seems to be interested in adopting you. To not have a mother and father who play with you, or cuddle you, or read you a bedtime story. The nurses in those places do everything they can, but they can’t take care of you like a parent could. You were adopted, Patrick, you had your adoptive parents. Everyone here at Nonnatus did everything they could to give me a normal childhood and I’m so grateful that they took care of me. But it’s not the same. There were days where I felt so miserable and nobody could comfort me. I don’t want to put Timothy through that. No child should have to go through that.” Patrick sighs and puts his medical supplies back in his bag.

“I know how you feel about it, Shelagh. But we don’t know this boy, nor did we know his mother. We shouldn’t rush into things, we should discuss this first.”

“Patrick. Any other day, I would’ve agreed with you. But this is not like any other day. It’s war. God knows how many people just died during that bombing. It’s not a stray dog we’re talking about, it’s a child. His parents were both killed by Germans, his house just collapsed, he has nothing! He’s already confused about where his parents are, dumping him in an orphanage will only make matters worse!” Patrick is about to protest, but Sister Evangelina shushes him and gently squeezes Shelagh’s shoulder.

“Alright, calm down, the both of you. Shelagh is right, it’s probably not the best thing to bring him to an orphanage right now. Like I said earlier, they’re bursting at the seams and won’t be able to take good care of him. We will do that for now and we’ll discuss what to do when things have calmed down. Now, we should all go to bed. I’ll bring up some supplies and clothes for this little man here, there’s plenty in the charity box.” Shelagh nods and takes Timothy upstairs. Patrick waits for Sister Evangelina to return with the supplies, so he can take them to their room. She returns about five minutes later with a pile of nappies and some clean clothes.

“Here you go. Clean nappies and some warm clothes for young sir. I’m sure he feels better when he’s wearing clean clothes. But there’s something else as well.” Sister Evangelina reaches into her pocket and hands him an envelope. 

“This letter came for you, today. It’s from the army.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of blood, death and self-harm

Patrick takes a deep breath before he opens the door. Shelagh had just finished putting Timothy to bed. She emptied one of the drawers from her dresser and made a small, but comfortable bed for the toddler. She’s sitting next to him on the floor as he holds her index finger. Patrick can tell she’s already fallen in love with him. He’s glad, because she will have someone whilst he will be away.

“Shelagh, can I talk to you?” 

“You got a letter, didn’t you?” She doesn’t look him in the eye, she just stares at the little boy sleeping next to her. When Patrick doesn’t answer immediately, Shelagh knows.

“When?”

“Next week on Wednesday.” 

“What?! Next week?! No, you can’t leave already! It’s too soon!” Her yelling almost wakes up Timothy, but she’s able to shush him just in time. Patrick helps Shelagh to get up and sits down on the bed with her, gently taking hold of Shelagh’s chin.

“Shelagh, look at me. Sweetheart, please. I know it’s hard, but they allow me to come home to you for a week every four months. It’s not much, I know, but most men aren’t allowed to come home. I’m really lucky. It will be hard, but we’ll manage. I’ll write to you every week. I may not be here with you, but I’ll be with you here, in your heart. You have little Timmy here to take care of, he needs you.” He wipes away the tears that are slowly rolling down her cheeks. 

“But I need you too, Patrick. What if there’s another attack? What am I supposed to do without you? You’re the one who keeps me sane.” Patrick gives her a sad smile.   
“You can do this, love. Don’t forget what happened to you as a child. And look where you are now. I’m so proud of you and I wish I could take you with me. You say that I’m the one who keeps you sane, but it’s the other way round. You keep me sane. And you know what? If it keeps you going, if it keeps you strong, I will promise you something.” 

“Which is?” 

“When I get back, we’ll adopt this little guy. You were right about what you said earlier. He deserves a loving family, especially since we know what goes on behind the doors of an orphanage. And I’m sure you’ll be an amazing mom to him. It will be the start of our better-times-to-come dream.” 

“But how can we know that there will be better times than this? We don’t know if you’re going to survive. When you’re going to get back. If I’m ever going to get pregnant. You can’t leave, Patrick. I’m too scared. You’re going to die when you are there.” By now, Shelagh is close to hyperventilating and Patrick needs to come up with a way to calm her down, before she really starts hyperventilating. He reaches under her pillow and takes her teddy bear, that she still keeps there.

“You see this little guy? You always said he protected you when you were little and scared. During thunderstorms, or when you had a nightmare. Take my cologne, I don’t need it there anyway, and spray a little bit of it on it every week. Keep it close to you at night and take it with you when another attack comes. The smell will remind you of me. Close your eyes, and try to think that you’re lying in my arms, that I’m here to protect you. I will take something that has you’re smell on it too. We may not be able to be close for real, but we’ll always be close to each other in here.” Patrick takes Shelagh’s hand and puts it over his heart. Shelagh takes her teddy bear and pushes her face against Patrick’s chest. It would be hard, but she had to be strong. If she wasn’t, she wouldn’t be able to take care of Timothy and Patrick would never leave her. Right now, he was needed at the front, to save the lives of the soldiers that were fighting for their country. Their health was more important than her fear.

XX

The day Patrick left for Italy was a horrible day. Shelagh isn’t able to remember much from that day. The only thing she remembers was that it took both Sister Evangelina and Trixie to peel her away from Patrick and she spent the rest of the day crying in her room, with Sister Julienne stroking her hair and trying to comfort her. Eventually, Nurse Lee gave her a sedative to help her sleep. After that day, Shelagh somehow managed to go on and take care of Timothy. She was very happy that the little boy was with her, even though his mom had passed away. He was the only one who could really make her smile when he splashed her during his bath time, or when he would laugh so hard during their game of ‘peek-a-boo’ he would tumble on the bed. 

She writes Patrick every week. She does say that she misses him terribly, but she mostly writes about funny things that happen or new things Timothy has learned. She doesn’t tell him that they nearly have to go to a bomb shelter nearly every night and how the explosions upset both her and Timothy. During those nights, Shelagh wraps herself and Timothy in one of Patrick’s pyjama tops and holds her teddy bear with his cologne on it close. She closes her eyes whilst humming a song for Timothy and thinks about a garden. Their garden. Patrick caressing her pregnant belly. After a while, Sister Julienne would hold her hand and they would pray together. The attacks, the running, the daydreaming and the praying, it had become a routine. For Shelagh, it felt like a nightmare, one she couldn’t wake up from.

Sister Julienne worries about her little girl. Patrick’s absence is slowly killing her. She stopped eating as soon as food became scarce. She makes sure Timothy gets enough food, but puts herself in the last place. The other nuns and nurses save small parts of their own food for her, but Shelagh refuses to eat. Patrick receives a letter from Sister Julienne, saying that she worries about Shelagh because she stopped eating. He is relieved he’s almost allowed to go home to her for a week, so he can knock some sense into her head. If she wants to get pregnant, and carry the baby full-term, she needs to keep her strength and eat. 

Being at the front in Italy is much harder than he expected. He had hoped that he would be able to save most soldiers, but he has lost more patients than he saved. Most soldiers who come in have lost one or multiple limbs and they’re heavily bleeding. Sometimes, their wounds were so bad, they would die before Patrick had taken a look at them. He blames himself for their deaths. Every patient he loses lowers his belief in being able to help these soldiers. At night, the smell of blood and their screams chase him in this dreams. But it’s not the faces of the soldiers he sees. It Shelagh’s face, bleeding heavily, lying on the table without legs, or arms. Every time the injuries are different, but it’s Shelagh’s face and her screams that he sees and hears. 

It gets a little bit better when he’s back in London, with Shelagh and Timothy. They spent a lot of time playing with him and teaching him how to walk. On the fourth day, Sister Julienne takes Timothy with her so Shelagh and Patrick can have some time for themselves. Shelagh closes the door to their bedroom and lies next to him on the bed.

“You’ve lost a lot of weight.” Patrick threads his fingers through her hair and makes small circles on her head with his fingers. He feels Shelagh nod. “Why didn’t you eat something?”

“There’s not enough food. Timothy needs to grow, he needs all the food he can get.” 

“You and I both know that’s not true, Shelagh. I’ve seen how much he has eaten. He doesn’t need half of it. I know you’re not hungry because you miss me, but you need to eat. If you want to get pregnant, you need to be as healthy as possible. We’ll try every time I’m here, but if you’re underweight, it’s so difficult to get pregnant. You’re not underweight yet, but you really need to be careful, love. Please promise me that you’re going to take better care of yourself.”

“I’ll try. But I don’t know how much longer I can go on with this. I’m so tired of this war, barely being able to sleep because I know the alarm will go off again. And if it’s not the alarm that keeps me awake, it’s me worrying about you, or how I’m able to get more food.”

“I know, love, I know. I can write my adoptive parents, if you want. They’ve moved to Scotland. You can stay there with Timothy, they have plenty of food and you’ll be much safer there.”

Shelagh shakes her head. “I don’t want to. I want to stay here, in case you come back early. We’ll manage. Let’s talk about something different now, okay? Do you want to go out for lunch? Go for a walk?”

Patrick rolls Shelagh over and looms over her. “No, I’d rather stay here, with you.”

XX

Two months later, Patrick is slowly going insane. The constant pressure of having to save soldiers, wanting to save them, but not being able to is taking its toll on him. He’s starting to have panic attacks during the day, his nightmares are getting worse and he’s trying to come up with excuses to be able to stay in bed or leave the hospital. He tried to think of everything that could sent him home, but nothing had worked so far. Henry Jones, one of his closest friends at the front, told him that some soldiers shot themselves in their feet or hand, so they were allowed to go home. At first, Patrick thought it was ridiculous, but now it had turned into something he was seriously considering. It was easy to get a gun. He was in a military camp after all, there were plenty of guns. He went inside the storage room and got himself a small gun, that was easy to hide inside his pocket. Inside the same pocket was a picture of Shelagh, that he always carried around. One look at the picture gave him the last bit of encouragement he needed. He would go home, to Shelagh.

That night, Patrick sneaks out of his bed and tiptoes outside. The sound of the gun would probably wake everyone up, but he didn’t want to be interrupted before that. If someone saw him, it meant he wouldn’t be able to shoot himself and that he had to stay in the camp. He wasn’t sure if he would survive one more day if that happened. He found a quiet spot and aimed at his foot. He was about to shoot when someone knocked the gun out of his hand.

“Turner! Have you lost your mind? What are you doing?!” Patrick turned around and saw it was Henry.

“How did you even find me? You were asleep. And I want to go home. I’m going insane here. I can’t save anyone, I’m useless and I need to be with Shelagh.”

“I saw you sneaking out. You’re not useless, nobody can’t save anyone. But if you really want to go home, I can think of a way that doesn’t involve harming yourself.”  
Patrick sighs, relieved there’s still a way he can go home. “Would you help me? What can I do to repay you?”

“Get some psychological help when you’re back. The war messes with you and your mind, I don’t want it to eat you and ruin your family life. You’ll be back in London by Saturday, let me handle this.”

XX

That Saturday, Patrick arrives in London by boat at noon. He breathes in the smell of London. It isn’t a nice smell, but it’s better than the smell of stale bodies, blood and everything else he smelled in Italy. He can’t wait to go to Nonnatus House and surprise Shelagh. He picks up his bags and walks to Poplar as fast as he can, secretly hoping it’s her who opens the door. He’s slightly disappointed when it’s Nurse Lee, but he puts his fingers to his lip to keep her from yelling for Shelagh.

“Shhh, it’s a surprise. Where can I find her?” Patrick whispers.

“She’s upstairs, in her room, writing a letter for your birthday. I won’t tell the others you’re here, you can surprise them later. Speaking of which, Shelagh has one for your birthday as well. I would go check it out, if I were you.” Nurse Lee winks and walks back to the medical room. Patrick sneaks up the stairs and knocks on their bedroom door.

“Come in!” Patrick walks in. Shelagh is sitting on the bed, her back to the door. The bed is covered by sheets of paper.

“Are you trying to think of what you want to write to me this time?” He asks. Shelagh spins around and covers her mouth with her hand.

“Patrick? Is that really you? Are you here?” Tears are streaming down her face, but she doesn’t care.

“I’m here, love. And I’m not going back again. I’m here for good.” Patrick is barely able to stay upright as Shelagh launches herself at him. They kiss passionately for what feels like eons. When Patrick breaks away, his lips feel swollen. “Nice surprise?”

“What do you think? Of course it is a nice surprise! I can’t believe it. Why did they allow you to leave?” She frowns as Patrick’s smile disappears and a dark look appears in his eyes for a few seconds. 

“Nothing that matters now. All that matters is that I’m here. You are looking much better since the last time I was here. How are you feeling now?”

“I was feeling good, but even better now you’re here. I was working on your birthday present, do you want to see it?” Patrick nods and Shelagh hands him a piece of paper. He quickly reads it and then reads it again.

“It’s the results of a pregnancy test. A positive one.” 

He reads it for a first time before he sees her name on top of the paper. “Is this yours? Are you really pregnant?” Shelagh starts crying happy tears and nods.

“Welcome home, Daddy.”


	7. Chapter 7

Everybody is extremely happy to see Patrick again. Even little Timothy smiles and reaches out for him once he sees his new Daddy. The nuns and nurses try to make a nice dinner to celebrate his return, but there’s little they can do with the limited amount of food they have. It doesn’t matter to Patrick. Coming from the war, anything else than bread and water tastes good to him. Even Shelagh enjoys eating her dinner now that Patrick is back. Afterwards, Patrick joins Shelagh for Timothy’s bath. The little boy has grown a lot since Patrick left, and he enjoys watching him play with Shelagh. After a few minutes, he gives one of his rubber duckies to Patrick.

“Dada.” Shelagh gasps and looks at Patrick. Patrick looks at her too, which results in Timothy splashing the water because his parents aren’t paying attention to him. “Dada!”

“Well done Timmy! Your first word! Oh Patrick, he called you Daddy, isn’t that amazing?” Patrick smiles and hands the rubber ducky back to Timothy.

“Yes, that’s right. I’m your Daddy. And this is your Mummy. And she’s having your baby brother or sister in a few months, isn’t that wonderful?” Timothy squeals and splashes his parents again. Shelagh would’ve scolded him, but today she couldn’t. It was a perfect day. Timothy said his first word, Patrick came home and she was finally carrying his child. Her dream had come true.

XX

That night, Patrick couldn’t sleep. He’d hoped his inability to sleep would fade once he would share the bed with his wife again, but he was wrong. Despite the sound of her soft snores, her familiar smell and her warmth, he couldn’t sleep. As soon as he closed his eyes, visions of wounded soldiers he couldn’t save would haunt him. Therefore, he had decided to look at Shelagh. He was sure his ability to sleep would return in a couple of days. He rolls to his side and tucks a blonde curl behind Shelagh’s ear. Her hair is all messed up from their lovemaking, but this is his favourite sight. He gently traces small circles on her naked back before moving closer to her and inhaling the smell of her shampoo. Shelagh sighs and smiles before opening her eyes.

“Can’t sleep?”

“No, I think I’m still used to being called out of bed every night, to take care of wounded soldiers. It will pass.” Shelagh cuddles closer to him.

“I’m so glad you’re back. You were right last year, you know. During all those nights I spent in a bomb shelter, I thought of the dream we both have. It helped me through and look at us now. Our dream is coming true.” Patrick feels the tears crawl up his throat when she says that. He doesn’t know if he’s able to give her all she needs, to fulfil all of her dreams after all the things he’s gone through. He heard her mention that she wants him to be at the birth of their child, but the thought of seeing Shelagh in pain and heavily bleeding is enough to make him scream. Shelagh looks up at him, but sits up when she sees the look on his face. He doesn’t even notice she’s moving, he’s miles away. “Patrick, are you alright? Patrick?” He nearly jumps out of bed when she gently touches his arm.

“Yes, yes I’m fine. I was just thinking. Perhaps we should leave London for a little while, don’t you think? Get away from this war. I want to get you and Timothy and our little one to safety.”

“Patrick, where do you want to go? There’s nowhere we can go. Besides, we can’t escape this war, it’s everywhere. The Germans have bombed other places as well, not just London. No, I think we’re safer here. And I want the Nonnatuns to deliver my baby, I don’t want anyone else. Please, Patrick.”

He wants to convince her to leave, but there’s no time. At that moment, the alarms go off, indicating that the Germans are going to attack London again. Patrick freezes and is too scared to do anything, but Shelagh immediately starts to move. She gets dressed and grabs a bag, which contains the essentials for a night in a bomb shelter. “Patrick, we have to leave, hurry up! You need to get dressed. You take the bag, I’ll take Timothy.” She takes Timothy out of his cot and wraps him in his blanket before grabbing his toy rabbit. In the meanwhile, Patrick managed to get dressed and picks up the bag. He’s surprised by how calm Shelagh is. Even Timothy isn’t crying. This must have happened a lot of times if they’re this calm. He grabs Shelagh’s hand and follows her and the other Nonnatuns to the bomb shelter, trying to suppress his panic. Once they’re inside and Timothy is sleeping next to Shelagh, she takes Patrick’s hand and puts it on her stomach.

“Don’t be afraid. We’ve done this so many times, we’re used to it. Just think of our baby. I think I’ve grown a little bit already, don’t you think?” Patrick feels around her tummy and feels the small bump she’s talking about. He gives her a small smile.

“I think you’re right.” He flinches as the first bomb explodes in the distance. “This really reminds me of the first time we had to run. When we were still young and naïve, thinking Hitler wouldn’t attack London. If we had known then what we know now…” Patrick thinks about what he wants to say next. Then what? He would’ve probably ran, far away from London, with Shelagh of course. If this whole war hadn’t happened, he wouldn’t have let so many people die, he wouldn’t have had the nightmares which haunt him day and night, he wouldn’t have hated himself as much as he does now. He still would’ve loved his job, confident he was able to cure people. That confidence is long gone now.

“We’re still young, Patrick. We’re not naïve anymore, but we are young. We have a lovely boy and another baby on the way, life’s not over. Patrick, I’m worried about you. You have this strange look in your eyes. It’s almost like you’re suffering from a depression. Please tell me what’s wrong? I want to help you.”

“It’s fine, really. I’ll be fine.”

“No, you’re not. You have to tell me, Patrick.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything.” Patrick realises that he’s snarling at Shelagh and he immediately feels guilty. It’s not her fault, she can’t help it either. He’s about to apologize when Shelagh opens her mouth again.

“I’m your wife. For better and for worse, remember? I want to help you, I can help you.”

“No Shelagh, you can’t! Do you know how to get these filthy images from soldiers bleeding to death erased from my mind?! Do you know how to bring them back to life, to their families?! Do you really think I’m a good doctor after I let all those men die? I’m a piece of shit, Shelagh. I can’t even save someone’s life. How am I supposed to take care of you, of Timothy, of our baby? This war fucked with my brain. I can’t even think how I can make myself better. And how can I treat others when I so clearly cannot treat myself?” Shelagh’s heart breaks for Patrick when she hears him saying those things. At that moment, she wishes she would’ve never let him go. She gently takes his hand and caresses his weathered hands. 

“You don’t have to treat yourself. There are people who can do that, where you can go to. Everything will be fine, you’re going to get better.”

“I’m not going to some nuthouse and leaving you behind again. I’m not doing that.”

“You don’t have to leave me. And we’ll find you a good place to get treatment. Timothy and I will come with you, so you don’t have to miss us or this little one in my belly for a minute. But this is not the right place to discuss it. Let’s try to get some rest, it will be over sooner if we fall asleep.” Shelagh cuddles close to Patrick and wraps Timothy in her arms. Patrick sighs and closes his eyes too. He probably won’t get a wink of sleep, but there’s no harm in closing his eyes for a few minutes. 

XX 

A few days later, Patrick feels something, or someone, pulling at his ear lobe. He grumbles and tries to stop the pulling, but he’s fully awake when he hears an excited squeal.

“Dada!” Timothy claps his little hands and grins, happy that he finally succeeded in waking up his Daddy. 

“Hey there, buddy. I don’t need an alarm clock anymore with you here in the room. Where’s your Mummy?” As if Shelagh knows she’s being called, she opens the door and walks in, carrying a newspaper.

“Ah, wonderful, you’re awake. I didn’t want to wake you, you were sleeping and you need every minute of sleep you can get before this baby arrives!” She sits down on the bed and puts the newspaper down. “I think I’ve found a place we can go to. Sister Monica Joan saw this lovely little flat in Birmingham in the newspaper this morning. The rent isn’t very expensive, and there’s a little bedroom for Timothy as well. We’ve even got a small garden. It’s big enough for the time being, until the war’s over. I’ve already talked about it with Sister Julienne. If we still live there by the time I’m almost due, she, Trixie and Sister Evangelina will come over to help us to get ready and to deliver our baby. Isn’t that nice?”

“If you like it, sweetheart, we will go there.” Patrick smiles and kisses his wife’s temple. He is fine with anything, as long as he can get away from London. 

“But you have to like it, too. I’ve also heard Birmingham has an excellent mental hospital. It’s called Northfield Military Hospital. They’re specialised in providing mental health care for soldiers by group psychotherapy. I’ve already contacted them, we’re welcome to take a look to see if it’s a suitable place for you.” Patrick knew this was going to come. He had heard about it too. It all sounded very promising, but he was too proud to admit that he needed therapy and too scared to leave Shelagh alone. Luckily, he had thought about what he should say to this to convince her he didn’t need to go there.

“Shelagh, I appreciate that you’re trying to help me. But I’m already feeling so much better than when I came home. I don’t think I’ll need any therapy. The only thing I need to cure is you and Timothy. Let’s go to Birmingham, get away from this mess.” He takes her hand and kisses her engagement and wedding ring.

“Are you sure? You’re still not sleeping very well and you nearly bruise my arm if you hear a loud noise.”

“I’m sure it will wear off in a few weeks. Now, let’s me see this place Sister Monica Joan found.” Patrick takes the newspaper from her and reads the description. Shelagh was right, this flat would be perfect for them. He traces his finger over her lower abdomen, where their baby was growing. “Hi there, little one. It’s your Daddy here. Are you ready to move to Birmingham?” He bends over to softly kiss her belly, then gets off from the bed to lift Timothy and spin around the room with him. Timothy squeals and starts giggling.

“Patrick, be careful please! You’ll bring up his breakfast.” Shelagh smiles and looks at her boys. There’s still something about Patrick that unsettles her, but he is right, he probably still needs to adjust to being back in London. He would be fine.


	8. Chapter 8

About three months later, Patrick finally feels he’s starting to settle in their new home in Birmingham. Being away from London means he’s able to forget about the war and everything he has gone through a little bit. Shelagh has a small baby bump now, which contributes to Patrick’s improving mental health. He loves touching her small bump, whether it’s when he lies close to her at night or when they’re sitting in the garden, watching Timothy run around on his little legs. 

Timothy has also gotten used to his life with Patrick and Shelagh. He has grown into a happy toddler with an interest for nature and Patrick’s doctors bag. He loves exploring the garden and catching bugs with Patrick to add to his growing collection. He was quite disappointed when Shelagh told him he needed to keep the bugs outside their home, since she hates bugs and didn’t want them to escape the jars. That disappointment quickly turned into happiness as Patrick cleared a low shelf in the shed, where Timothy could keep his bugs. On a sunny day in April, he’s looking around for some new bugs when he discovers a spider between the bushes. 

“Mummy, Mummy! Spider!” He takes the spider into his little hands and runs over to Shelagh, eager to show her his newest bug. Shelagh lets out a small scream and nearly jumps from Patrick’s lap.

“Yes, that’s very nice, dear. Why don’t you go to the shed and find a nice place for it? In a jar, mind you.” Shelagh tries to smile, but her face betrays her fear and disgust at the sight of the spider. Patrick chuckles.

“I’ll be right back, I have to help Timmy with his new pet first. Are you sure you don’t want to keep this one next to your bed? You would make Timmy’s day.”

“Absolutely not. Now go on, off with you and that… thing.” Shelagh sighs and sits back down, closing her eyes. She listens to Timothy’s squeals and sighs again. She wonders if the boy would remember his real parents, and what would be an appropriate age to tell him he’s adopted. She discussed this with Patrick and also told him that she worries about him when the baby arrives. What if she can’t love Timothy as much as her own baby? Timothy isn’t hers, but this baby is, so it must be different, surely. Patrick simply chuckled and told her not to worry. 

“You don’t have to worry about that, love. You don’t share your love when you have two children, your love multiplies.” She had asked him how he knew that, but he had simply shrugged his shoulders and mumbled that one of the soldiers had told him that. She didn’t dare to ask any more questions after that. He was doing so well lately, she didn’t want to ruin that by being nosy and curious. Her thoughts were disturbed by the sound of breaking glass, followed by Timothy’s screams. As fast as she could, she ran over to the shed to be greeted by the sight of bugs crawling all across the floor. That sight wasn’t what shocked her, though. For some reason, some of the glass jars had fallen off the shelf. When the bugs escaped, Timothy tried to catch them again, cutting his hands on the broken jars. He cries hysterically and stretches his arms to Patrick, his hands covered in blood. Patrick just stares at the blood, not able to move.

“Daddyyyyy, hurts!” Timothy sobs and tries to get his father’s attention. Shelagh picks the boy up and turns around to hurry inside, to see if he needs stitches. When she’s at the door, she turns around to see Patrick still standing frozen in his place, his face as pale as a sheet. 

“Patrick. Patrick, come on, your son needs medical attention.” When he still doesn’t move, Shelagh moves closer and tries again. Now she’s closer, she can see the horrified look in his eyes and only needs a second to realise where his thoughts are. She gently takes his arm and shakes it.

“Patrick? We’re not at war now. It’s you son. I don’t think he needs stitches, but he does need medical attention.” Patrick glances over to Timothy and shudders.

“Can you do it? I don’t feel ready yet.”

“Patrick!”

“I said no!” Patrick panics and hurries out of the shed. Shelagh decides Timothy’s injuries are more important now and takes him inside. She takes Patrick’s medical bag, which has been abandoned since he went to Italy, and takes out the necessary supplies to tend to Timothy’s hands. The cuts aren’t very deep, so he doesn’t need stitches, but his screams as Shelagh cleans the wounds are loud enough to be heard by the entire neighbourhood.

“Shh, little one, Mummy’s almost finished. I know it hurts, but it will be over soon.” Shelagh has to blink a couple of times to stop her own tears from falling down her cheeks. She can’t tell if it’s because Timothy is so upset or because Patrick panicked when he saw the blood. If this is his first reaction to seeing blood, she doesn’t want to think about how he will react during the birth of their child. She wants him to be there, but she hasn’t told him about it yet. She realises he needs to go to Northfield if she wants him there. Shelagh sighs and kisses Timothy’s hand, which are covered in bandages now. 

“There, all done. Mummy will give you something for the pain and then she has to talk to Daddy. Daddy is acting a bit silly, isn’t he? We need to take him to the doctor, to see if he can make Daddy better.” Whilst looking for some paracetamol, Shelagh swallows a few times, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat that appears when she thinks of taking Patrick to that place. Yes, she wants him to be better and not panic at the sight of blood, but the thought of being alone with Timothy whilst pregnant scares her. What if she falls down, or if she goes into labour early. The urge to cry increases, but she digs her nails into her palm. She can’t cry, she has to be strong for her boys. If she starts crying too, nothing will get done. 

XX

Upstairs, Patrick is sitting on the bed and rocking nervously, trying to control his thoughts and to draw out the sounds of guns being fired and soldiers screaming. He can feel himself sweating and he’s struggling to breath. The sight of Timothy’s blood brought back all the memories. All of the sudden, he’s no longer in the safety of his bedroom, but he’s in the middle of the hospital. He’s surrounded by soldiers. Dead, nearly dead, bleeding heavily, everywhere he looks there are soldiers. Even on the floor. He looks around for other doctors, but he realises he’s the only doctor in the room. When he makes his way over to the corridor to call for help, a soldier he pronounced dead earlier jumps up and grabs his shoulders and starts shaking him. Patrick screams he needs to stop, but it’s almost like the soldier doesn’t hear him. He grabs the soldier and slams his back into a wall, holding his shoulders tightly. He opens his mouth to protest, but it’s Shelagh’s voice Patrick hears.

“Patrick, stop, you’re hurting me!”

He is immediately shaken from his nightmare. He looks into Shelagh’s big blue eyes, in which he can read fear and pain. He realises his fingers are digging into her shoulders and he pulls his hands away instantly.

“Oh God Shelagh, I am so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I am so, so sorry.” He pushes away her shirt to inspect the damage and he can see the bruises where his fingers had pressed into her skin. Dear God, how long had he been holding her like that?

“Don’t touch, please. It hurts. You were having a nightmare and I tried to wake you up, but then you grabbed me and pushed me against the wall. I know it’s your war neurosis, but this can’t go on like this. I called Sister Julienne. Fred is driving her and then he will take you to Northfield. They have a room available, I already called.”

“But this was only once, it won’t happen again. I promise. I can get better on my own. Please don’t send me to that place.” Patrick starts pacing the floor. Shelagh would never send him away, she must be joking.

“I don’t want to, I can’t miss you. Timothy can’t miss you, but I have to. This time it was me, but what if you had grabbed Timmy, or our baby when it’s born? I don’t blame you, Patrick, but we need to fix this before this happens again, for our child. Our children. I’ve watched you struggle since you came back from Italy, I tried to let you cure yourself, I was strong when you needed to cry or were afraid. But I’m so tired, Patrick. Tired of being the strong one, of being afraid and barely sleeping because I want to keep your nightmares away. I would do anything for you, you know I would, but I can’t do it anymore. It’s too much. I want you to get better, so we can enjoy our family when the time’s here. I want you to help me deliver our baby. But that’s something that can’t happen if you don’t get the right treatment.” She had stopped his pacing by grabbing his hands. She didn’t want to cry, not yet. Once Sister Julienne and Fred were here, she wouldn’t have to be strong anymore. But now, she needed to convince Patrick he should go. Not that he needs a lot of convincing. The bruises that are starting to appear on Shelagh’s skin are enough.

“I’ll go,” he sobs, “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m a danger for you and Timothy, I need to get better. You don’t deserve this, I want this to be over. I wanted to give you everything, children, a happy home. This war ruined everything for us. We can never have a happy home after this.” Shelagh gently grabs his cheeks and tilts his face so she can look him in the eye.

“We can. You’re going to Northfield and you are going to be just fine, do you hear? You’ll come home again, you’ll be at the birth of our child and we’ll have a happy home. You, me, Timothy and baby. I love you too much to let you leave me. Yes, this will leave us with a lot of scars, but remember where we came from. We were both orphans, we had nothing except a teddy bear, a toy doctors bag and a couple of clothes. And look where we are now. No war is going to ruin this, even if that means I have to go to Germany and kick Hitler’s arse myself. I don’t want to do this with anyone else, nobody understands me like you do. If we can get through this, we can get through anything. I love you so much, Patrick Turner, always remember that.”

Patrick nods and gently caresses her cheek. “I know. I love you too. But please stop being strong, okay? I can tell you’re tired, and I don’t want you to hold back anymore. I want to comfort you.” 

A few tears slip from her eyes, but she still doesn’t want to let go. She can’t, because she has holding back everything for so long. The floodgates don’t open until Sister Julienne walks into the living room. One look at the woman she loves as her mother is enough to break her walls down, sobs wrecking her body as Sister Julienne pulls her close.

“Oh, my dear. It’s all right, I’m here. Shhh, you’re all right. Where are Patrick and Timothy?”

“They’re sleeping. I gave Patrick something to help him sleep,” Shelagh manages to whisper through her sobs, “but I can’t sleep. Please don’t leave me, Mum.” Shelagh doesn’t realise she calls Sister Julienne her mother. It just slips out before she buries her face in her habit again, sobbing once more and staining the blue fabric with her tears. Sister Julienne does hear, but doesn’t think about her response. Somewhere deep inside her, she knows it’s wrong, but no one else is in the living room to judge them. And even if there was someone, Sister Julienne wouldn’t even care. This is her little girl, she had raised her and right now, she knows what Shelagh needs to hear.

“Mummy’s here, dear, I’m not leaving you.”


	9. Chapter 9

Patrick had been at Northfield for two months when Father’s Day arrives. Shelagh has planned a special surprise for him for that day. She had spoken to his psychiatrist about his treatment and improvement. He’s not fully recovered yet, but he’s doing much better already. The psychiatrist thinks he might be able to go home before the baby arrives, which is in approximately two months, if every things goes to plan. She smiles and caresses her swollen belly. She hopes Patrick can be there, that he wants to be there. He needs to see that blood than be a good thing too, and the only way he can see that is by being present at the birth of their baby. Her thoughts are interrupted by the front door opening and Sister Julienne calling out for her.

After Patrick was admitted to Northfield and Shelagh had a breakdown, Sister Julienne pulled some strings so she could stay in Birmingham and help Shelagh. Secretly, Shelagh is really grateful she could stay. She isn’t sure if she would’ve been able to manage to keep the house tidy, take care of Timothy and get plenty of rest herself at the same time. She smiles at Sister Julienne and gets up from the chair she was sitting in.'

“I’ve got everything you need for your picnic with Patrick. Did you sleep? You look exhausted.” Sister Julienne frowns and strokes Shelagh’s cheek. “You need to sleep well, my dear, otherwise you might feel too tired tomorrow.” 

“I’ll be fine, Sister. Baby’s just moving around a lot, which makes it difficult to sleep. I’ll be fine.” Shelagh doesn’t tell her that’s only part of the reason why she doesn’t sleep properly. She misses Patrick a lot, especially at night. During the years of their marriage, she got used to sleeping in his arms, breathing in his scent. Now he’s away, she realises how much she needs him. She blinks away the tears and focuses on the things Sister Julienne brought. There is no need for tears. Patrick is recovering and she’s going to see him tomorrow, taking him for a surprise picnic with Timothy. “Right, we’ve got everything we need, right? Let’s start preparing things for tomorrow, I don’t want Patrick to go back to Northfield hungry.”

XX

Patrick sighs and opens his eyes. Father’s Day. The day he should’ve spent at home, with his family. But instead, he’s in a psychiatric hospital. He’s not complaining, he has seen the things war neurosis can do to someone and he thinks it’s good that places like these exist, but he just want his treatment to be over. He knows he’s improving much faster than any other patient, but he wants to go home as soon as possible. Shelagh is due to give birth in two months, he wants to be home to take care of her when the baby is born. They had discussed his presence at the birth, but he isn’t sure about that yet. There’s going to be a lot of blood and he’s not sure if he can handle the sight of Shelagh and blood. A knock on the door startles him and he sits up, rubbing his eyes.

“Come in.” Patrick is surprised to see his psychiatrist come in. 

“Mr. Jones, I didn’t expect to see you today. It’s Sunday, I thought you would be at home.”

“Well, yes, I’m going home soon. But first, I have a surprise for you. Get dressed and meet me down in my office as soon as possible.” With that, he turns around and leaves the room. Patrick, who’s curious why he needs to come to his office, immediately gets up and searches for his clothes. When he gets down ten minutes later, Mr. Jones is sitting at his desk and smiles at him.

“Patrick, please come in and take a seat. I have a surprise for you. As you know, today is Father’s Day and I know how much you’ve been struggling with being away from your wife and her son. I spoke to her a few days ago and we’ve discussed your improvement. I’m very happy with the way you’ve improved in these past few months. You’re not fully recovered yet, but I do think you deserve a break, so your wife is coming to pick you up for a picnic.”

Patrick stares at him, not sure whether to believe him or not. When he had asked him if Shelagh and Timothy could visit a couple of weeks earlier, he said no. He’s about to ask if he’s joking, when he hears a little boy squealing and calling for his Daddy down the hall. That was Timothy, he is absolutely sure. Mr. Jones chuckles.

“Well, you better go. Best not keep your son waiting, he’s very excited to see you again.” Patrick gets up from his chair and opens the door. Timothy turns around and runs to Patrick, laughing and squealing. Patrick is able to catch him just in time and lifts him above his head.

“Timmy! What a surprise! Daddy is so happy to see you!” He lowers him down, hugging the little boy tightly to his chest. When he looks up again, Shelagh is standing at the end of the corridor, her floral dress accentuating her swollen belly. He makes his way over to her and pulls her close for a long and deep kiss. They don’t break away until Timothy feels he needs to comment on his parents’ actions. 

“Yuck!” Patrick chuckles and wraps his free arm around Shelagh. 

“Yuck? Just you wait until you are a teenager, young man, you’ll feel different about kissing then!” Shelagh punches him in his side and giggles.

“Oh don’t, he is way too young to talk to him about that already. Try again in 15 years, he might be interested then.”

“No. Yuck!”

“Well, there’s no doubt about how he feels about kissing now. Come on dearest, let’s go, I’ve prepared some of your favourite things for the picnic.”

XX

About two hours later, Patrick sighs and leans back. “Shelagh, that was absolutely delicious. I really missed your cooking skills.”

“Just my cooking skills? Well, I missed you too,” Shelagh teases. She wipes some crumbs from Timothy’s face. “Timmy, sit still, I need to clean your face before you can go and play. There, all done. Just don’t go too far, I need to able to see you!” Shelagh sighs, he probably didn’t hear her because he was already gone, off to look for some new bugs to add to his collection. Patrick chuckles and lies down, pulling Shelagh with him.

“How are you and baby? Everything all right?” He gently caresses her swollen belly, smiling when he feels the baby kicking his hand. “He or she surely is moving around a lot. I can see your belly moving when it kicks.”

“Oh, this is nothing compared to the nights. He or she is bouncing around then, kicking me in the ribs or in my bladder. I can hardly get a wink of sleep!” Shelagh tries to stifle a yawn and wraps an arm around Patrick’s waist, snuggling as close as her belly allows her to. 

“You do look tired. Are you experiencing any headaches? Are you ankles swollen?”

“Patrick, I’m fine, really. Sister Julienne checked me this morning. Baby is doing fine too. Let’s not worry about me, or about you, or about anything, okay? All that matters now is that we’re here and we should enjoy it. I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too. And Timmy. I can’t wait to be home again. I miss you sleeping next to me. I even miss you pressing your cold feet against my legs in the middle of the night. I know I always complain about that, but now that I’m not sleeping next to you, I realise that it’s comforting me. Your cold feet against my legs and your giggle when I complain about it are signs that you’re really there, that I’m not dreaming. It reassures me, in some kind of way. I’m sorry, that was silly, wasn’t it? Shelagh?” Patrick looks down at his wife, to find that she has fallen asleep in his arms, her nose buried in his shirt and softly snoring. He smiles and pulls her just a little bit closer, just enough so he can feel their baby kicking against his side. She must be exhausted, and he enjoys her lying so close to him too much to wake her up. After a few minutes, Timothy returns, rubbing his eyes and yawing.

“Are you tired too, Timmy? It’s almost time for your nap, isn’t it? Come on, you can take your nap here. Mummy is taking a nap too.” Patrick wraps his free arm around Timothy and watches him as he too drifts off with his nose buried in his neck. He’s really taking after Shelagh, even though she’s not his biological mum. Patrick sighs and enjoys the feeling of his loved ones close to him and the silence that surrounds them. This has been the best Father’s Day ever. He closes his eyes and thanks God for blessing him with this day and promises to recover as soon as possible. 

He was tired of the endless therapy sessions this morning, but this day has given him enough strength to continue them. He would do anything to go back home.


	10. Chapter 10

When Patrick is allowed to continue his treatment at home, it’s the 17th of August. The summer heat has been torturing Birmingham for weeks now, but Patrick doesn’t mind the heat. He has always preferred summer over winter, he loves being out in the sun, playing cricket or just reading The Lancet. Shelagh usually doesn’t mind the heat either, but since she’s 9 days past her due date and her belly is almost as big as she is, she hates the heat and complains about it all the time. Patrick knows since she complains about it in every letter she writes to him, even if it’s only for two or three sentences. He can’t say he’d blame her, picturing the baby bump she had during their Father’s Day picnic. If he had to guess, he suspects baby is going to be very big. He walks into the house early in the morning, trying to be as quiet as possible as to not wake up Timothy. Sister Julienne is awake already and busy doing the laundry, but Shelagh is nowhere in sight. Sister Julienne looks up and smiles.

“Doctor Turner. It’s good to have you back here. Shelagh will be glad too, now that you’re home before baby arrives.”

“Please, I feel like we’re a bit past formal terms now, Sister. You can call me Patrick.” Patrick looks around the room, the concerned look upon his face not going unnoticed by Sister Julienne.

“Shelagh is upstairs, she’s just fallen asleep. She’s had a rough week, with this heat, and last night she had a couple of nasty Braxton Hicks contractions. You can go see her, but please be quiet, I’m glad she’s finally asleep.”

“Thank you, Sister. Are you… Are you sure they’re just Braxton Hicks?” Patrick blushes immediately after asking the question. Of course she’s sure, Sister Julienne has worked as a midwife for years and has a lot of experience. Surely, she knows the difference between Braxton Hicks and the real thing. “I’m sorry, Sister, I didn’t want to say…”

“It’s all right, I know what you mean. Yes, I’m sure they’re Braxton Hicks. Baby is way too comfortable to be born in the next few days, I suspect. If she doesn’t get any real contractions in the next four days, we should consider breaking her waters, get things going a bit, don’t you?” Patrick nods and turns around, heading for the bedroom to finally hold his wife again.

When he walks into the bedroom, the heat slaps him in the face. He can understand why Shelagh is having trouble sleeping. There’s a bowl of water standing on her nightstand with a couple of flannels in it. There’s one on her forehead, an attempt to cool down, but Patrick isn’t sure if it’s actually working. He gently lowers himself on the bed, the mattress dipping slightly. The movement causes Shelagh to jerk awake, the flannel falling off her head when she turns her head. Her eyes widen as she sees Patrick sitting on his side of the bed.

“Patrick? You’re home?”

“Yes, my love. The psychiatrist thought that I’m well enough to go home. I do have to go back once a week, I’m not fully recovered yet, but I’m well enough to stay with you and baby.” He presses a kiss to her swollen belly before kissing her forehead. “How do you feel?”

“Tired, swollen and too hot. But much better now that you’re here.” She struggles to sit up. “I wish I could give you a hug right now, but I’m afraid my belly is way too big and it’s too hot for any physical contact. I just want this baby out.” Shelagh sighs and rubs her eyes. Patrick takes a flannel out of the bowl and gently dabs her face with it.

“I know, love. But I’m sure it won’t be long. Sister Julienne said that you’ve already had some Braxton Hicks.”

“I don’t care. Every minute with this heat is too long!” Shelagh snaps, but her eyes fill with tears almost immediately. “Oh Patrick, I’m sorry. You’re finally home and all I do is complaining and snapping at you. I didn’t even say how happy I am that you’re back again.”

“It’s alright, I understand. Come on, let’s get you out of bed, and then I will see if I can get you some ice, this water isn’t cold enough anymore. Where is Timmy?” Patrick throws the flannel back in the bowl and helps Shelagh to the edge of the bed.

“Trixie and Chummy came over yesterday. They stayed for the night and they’ve just taken him to the playground. I think I heard Chummy saying they would get an ice cream as well.” She groans as she gets off the bed. Now that she’s standing, Patrick can see how big her belly is and chuckles. “What are you laughing about? It’s not funny! I can’t even wear my favourite maternity dress anymore.”

“I’m sorry, you’re right. Let’s get you dressed, and then we’ll go for a walk. It’s not that hot yet, and a walk might start some actual contractions, so this baby knows it’s time to come out and meet the world.”

XX

About half an hour later, Patrick and Shelagh reach the playground where Timothy is running around, followed by Chummy and Trixie. Once he sees Patrick, his attention for their tagging game flies out of the window.

“DADDY!” He launches himself in Patrick’s arms, nearly choking him when he wraps his little arms around his neck.

“Hi there little one, I’m happy to see you too. I missed you so much!”

“Not leaving?” Timothy looks at him with big eyes, hoping that the answer will be no.

“The next time we’re leaving, you, Mummy and baby are coming with me too. Look at you, you’re so big already.” Patrick puts him down again and wonders when he grew so tall. He wasn’t this tall when he saw him during their picnic. Timothy nods and wraps his arms around Patrick’s legs, refusing to let go. Trixie has to peel him off.

“Come on, little man. Your Daddy was walking with your Mummy, and we wanted to get an ice cream. Don’t you want an ice cream anymore?”

“Yes! Mummy and Daddy too!” Timothy pulls at Shelagh’s hand, hoping that she’ll walk with him.

“Another time, okay Timmy? Mummy isn’t feeling very well.” Patrick immediately turns to look at Shelagh, but she smiles and shakes her head. “No, the baby isn’t coming. But this heat, I’m developing quite a headache and I’d rather go home.” She sees Patrick, Trixie and Chummy look at her ankles and the same time and giggles. “Don’t worry so much, I’m fine. Nothing a cold flannel and some rest can’t cure.” 

“Alright. Come Timmy, we’re going to get you a nice, big ice cream. If something happens, please send someone to get us, okay? Shelagh and I have agreed that Chummy watches Timothy during the birth and Sister Julienne and I are going to deliver the baby.” Trixie takes Timothy’s hand. “Say bye to Mummy and Daddy, sweetie.”

“Bye bye!” Timothy waves at his parents before pulling Trixie with him, eager to get an ice cream. Patrick chuckles.

“Well, if we ever worry that Timothy will be upset when he’s staying at Nonnatus, just give him an ice cream, he will forget about us immediately.” 

“He sure is taking after his father. You’re also very easy to distract with food.” Shelagh smirks.

“Not just with food, my dear.” Patrick wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, which earns him a slap on the arm from Shelagh.

“Absolutely not. I’m still dealing with the result from the last time you seduced me. Come on, let’s go home.”

XX

Once they get home, Shelagh’s first stop is the bathroom. Since baby is so big, she has to go to the bathroom every hour. As she sits down on the seat, she feels something pop inside her, followed by something running down her leg. It takes her a while to realise that it must’ve been her waters breaking. When a sharp pain shoots through her belly, it soon becomes clear enough that baby is ready to meet his or her parents.

“Patrick! Patrick!” She can hear him running to the bathroom, tripping over his own feet and cursing.

“Shelagh, what’s wrong? Can you open the door please?” 

“I’m fine,” she opens the door, “but I’m afraid you need to get Trixie as soon as possible. My waters just broke.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special delivery for the Turners coming through!

Within 30 minutes, Trixie has returned to the Turner residence and is preparing the bedroom for Shelagh’s delivery. Sister Julienne is walking around the bed with Shelagh, stopping every few minutes when a new contraction starts. Once Trixie has finished laying out all her instruments and grabs her fan. She joins Shelagh and Sister Julienne and fans some cool air onto Shelagh’s face.

“When this one’s over, I’m going to examine you sweetie, alright?” Trixie brushes some hair out of Shelagh’s face. Shelagh groans and grabs onto the bed, her knuckles turning white because she’s gripping the wood so hard.

“It’s way too hot to give birth.” She complains as soon as the contraction is over. She allows Trixie to help her lay down, before hiking her nightgown up her hips, flinching slightly as Trixie examines her.

“Only three fingers dilated, I’m afraid. Baby’s spine is lying along your spine, which will slow things down. There’s no need to panic, nothing we can’t manage.” Trixie quickly adds as she sees Shelagh’s panicked face and the tears in her eyes. “Now, let’s concentrate on your breathing. Did you do the exercises from the leaflet I gave you?”

“I’ve made a list of things to do on it.” Trixie chuckles and shakes her head.

“If I was writing a school report, I would write ‘Could do better’, don’t you agree, Sister?” Sister Julienne smiles and wipes Shelagh’s face with a cool flannel.

“You haven’t changed a bit. You were always busy, always working on something, even when you came to us just after your parents died. Oh, how many times I wished I wasn’t a nun, just so I could adopt you, so I could be your real mother. I remember the first time you called me Mummy, when you had a nightmare and no one else could calm you down. I stayed with you the entire night. It’s a very selfish thing to say, and you two never heard a thing, but I’m glad you were able to stay with us when you grew up.” Shelagh smiles and grabs Sister Julienne’s hand, gently rubbing her thumb over her palm.

“Never heard a thing, Sister. But secretly, I’m also glad no one wanted to adopt me… Oohhh another one.” She tightens her grip on the Sister’s hand and groans loudly.

“That’s it my dear, nice and steady breaths. A couple more of these contractions and baby will be here.”

XX

Two hours and a lot of painful contractions later, Trixie sighs as she removes the gloves from her hands.

“Only seven fingers Shelagh, I’m sorry. Baby isn’t very willing to come out.” Her heart shatters as she hears Shelagh whimpering, nearly crying because she is exhausted already.

“Please can I have the pethidine?” The words haven’t even fully left her mouth, but Sister Julienne is already up and getting a syringe from her medical bag. She had seen a lot of woman struggling during labour, but seeing her precious girl in so much pain affects her more than she likes to admit. Once she had given the pain medication to Shelagh, she wets another flannel and wipes it across Shelagh’s face.

“Baby has picked the worst day to come, hmm? Would you like some water?” Shelagh shakes her head.

“I want this to be over. And I want Patrick. Please Sister, please,” she cries, “I know that men aren’t allowed to be present at the birth, but I really need him. It hurts so bad.” Sister Julienne bites her lip. It’s true that men aren’t allowed in, but Patrick is a doctor, after all. It won’t be the first time he’ll see a delivery. But if Sister Evangelina finds out, she’ll never let Sister Julienne do another delivery herself. Taking one more look at Shelagh’s sweaty and tear-streaked face and listening to her fast breaths, close to hyperventilating, she decides that’s it worth taking the risk.

“Alright my dear, just this once. Don’t tell Sister Evangelina, she’ll send me straight to hell. Nurse Franklin, could you please go downstairs and get Doctor Turner?” Trixie nods and moves to the door.

“Right away, Sister.”

XX

Patrick is sitting at the kitchen table, nervously emptying a bottle of whiskey and smoking cigarette after cigarette. Listening to his wife’s cries was hard, but he didn’t panic until the cries turned to loud groans and whimpers, hearing her sobs during the contractions. She was getting tired, but he wasn’t allowed to go in. Not that he actually would go in, the thought of Shelagh’s blood made his heart race and he immediately felt nauseous. When Nurse Franklin comes in, he jumps up from his chair.

“How is she?”

“She’s getting tired, and asking for you. Men aren’t allowed in, but Sister Julienne decided she could make an exception for you, as long as you don’t tell Sister Evangelina. Come on, let’s go.” Trixie smiles, but her smile fades as Patrick shakes his head.

“I’m not going in.”

“Doctor Turner, she has been asking for you for the past hour. You want to support her, surely?”

“I’m not going in! I already told you and you know why! There’s nothing I can do for her.” Patrick sits down again and empties his glass, reaching for the bottle before realising that it’s empty. When he gets up to get another bottle, Trixie pushes him back on the stair.

“I think you’ve had quite enough, Doctor. I’m not sure Shelagh wants to remember you being drunk when you first held your baby.” Patrick huffs and lights another cigarette   
instead. Trixie sits down on the chair next to him before looking at his face. “What is it that you’re so afraid for? The Doctor Turner I know was never afraid to attend a birth.”

“Well, the Doctor Turner you know hadn’t been to war yet, hadn’t seen the destruction of so many human bodies, not the mention the amount of blood that came with that. And all those births weren’t the ones where his wife was delivering a baby.” Patrick snarls. Trixie sighs and is silent for a couple of minutes, the both of them listening to Shelagh’s groans and cries upstairs. 

“You know, Patrick, I do understand what you are going through, I really do.” Patrick lifts his head and tries to focus his tired eyes on Trixie. She never called him by his first name before, even though he is married to her best friend. “When my mum was pregnant with me, my dad got called away to fight at the front, during the first World War. He stayed there until the end of the war. I never knew my dad before he returned, beside the things my mum told me about him. She told me that he was handsome, and strong, and really funny and that he was looking forward to finally meeting me. When he came back, he was none of those things anymore. Ever since that day, I tried to make him smile, tried to make him happy again, but I failed every day. At night, I would hear his cries, his fights with my mum. In the morning, I had to get rid of all the empty bottles of whiskey. When I got older, I would run away to Shelagh when my parents were fighting again.” Trixie wipes a lonely tear from her cheek, feeling slightly embarrassed that she’s crying in front of Patrick. 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Trixie takes a deep breath and smiles.

“What I meant to say is, Shelagh knows what this can do to a family, she has seen mine get ripped apart by it. She never said, but I know she’s scared that it will happen to her family too. I know it’s hard, Patrick, but please try to make things better. It’s still early, you can still save your family from all the heartbreak. There will be days when it’s hard and that’s okay, life isn’t a bowl of cherries. But Shelagh is by your side and she will help you, whatever it takes. She has been there for you and now you need to be there for her. She needs you. And you need to see blood can be beautiful too. So come with me, please?” Trixie stands from the chair and opens the door to the hallway. After a minute, Patrick slowly nods and rises from his chair.

XX

“Ah, Nurse Franklin, just in time.” Sister Julienne smiles, visibly relieved. “Could you examine Shelagh? I need to hear your opinion on this as well.”

“Of course, Sister. I brought someone with me, too.” Trixie steps aside to reveal Patrick. Shelagh immediately reaches for his hand and lets out a breathless laugh.

“Oh Patrick, you came.” Patrick grabs her hand, trying not to flinch as she immediately squeezes it tightly, nearly breaking his hand.

“Of course I came, my love. Trixie told me you needed me.” With his free hand, he picks up the wet flannel and gently wipes it across Shelagh’s face. “Are you okay? Do you feel a lot of pressure?” 

“Don’t push, Shelagh! Not yet! We need to get you to the edge of the bed first. I’m afraid baby has turned, I can feel his or her little feet. Patrick, can you get me those chairs? She needs to put her feet on them so I can get baby out.” Trixie and Sister Julienne both grab one of Shelagh’s arms, settling her on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry, Shelagh, there’s not much dignity in childbirth.” Trixie jokes as she puts Shelagh’s feet on the chairs. She looks up to see Patrick’s pale face staring at the tiny bit of blood that’s sticking to her gloves. “It’s okay, Patrick. A bit of blood loss during a birth is normal, you know that. Now, sit behind her, let her lean against you and hold her hand.”

Patrick quickly sits behind Shelagh, closing his eyes as she leans into his chest, nearly breaking his hands again. He hopes this is over soon, prays to the God he doesn’t believe in that Shelagh will be okay. Somewhere between his prayers, he can her Trixie telling Shelagh to pant and to give small pushes until the baby’s bottom is out. He can feel Shelagh turning her face into his neck, crying out as Trixie slowly brings the baby’s legs into the world. He opens his eyes and presses his lips to her forehead. 

“Shh, it’s alright love, you’re doing brilliantly. I’m so proud of you. You’re almost done.” 

Sister Julienne wraps a towel around the baby after the shoulders have been born. She opens her mouth to give some instructions, but Patrick beats her to it.

“Love, Sister Julienne is going to let go of the baby now, okay? It’s good for the baby’s neck. Try not to move, I know it hurts, you can scream as loud as you want to, just don’t move.” He watches the midwives’ faces, waiting for a sign that says that Shelagh is allowed to push. “Alright sweetheart, give us one last push!”

It doesn’t take long before the room is filled with the small cries of a newborn baby, Sister Julienne announcing that they have a girl with happy tears rolling down her cheeks. She cuts the cord and wraps the baby girl into the towel again. 

“Someone is ready to meet her Mummy and Daddy.” Sister Julienne hands the baby to Shelagh. Patrick is stunned by the sight of the perfect little face, the tiny hands curling and uncurling whilst the girl makes sure everyone knows she’s not pleased that she’s not in her Mummy’s warm belly anymore. He doesn’t even notice the tiny bit of blood on her head as he gently kisses it.

“Hi there, little one. Hi there, Angela Julienne Beatrix Turner.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long to upload this chapter! I'm working on my thesis right now, so life is rather busy! I'll try to write a new chapter regulary, but it might take a bit longer than usual!

Patrick is sitting in a chair in the corner of their bedroom, holding Angela to his chest. He still can’t believe what has happened during the last hour. After the placenta was delivered, Trixie and Sister Julienne insisted they would help Shelagh to the bathroom, so she could clean up and change into a fresh nightgown. They left Angela in Patrick’s arms, where the newborn had been sleeping contently for the past 30 minutes. Patrick is shaken from his dreaming as the door to the bedroom opens, Trixie and Sister Julienne supporting Shelagh as they walk her back to the bed. 

“Sit down slowly, sweetie, you will be quite sore for the next few days.” Trixie gently puts Shelagh’s feet on the bed and covers her with the covers. She smiles as Shelagh immediately reaches out for Angela. Patrick gets up and gently puts her down in her mother’s arms. 

“Hi there, angel girl. Did you have a nice nap in Daddy’s arms?” Shelagh slowly strokes Angela’s little cheek with her thumb as the newborn starts mewling and smacking her little lips. “Oh, are you hungry already? It was hard work for both of us, wasn’t it?” She slowly unbuttons her nightgown and guides Angela to her breast. Angela latches on immediately and starts sucking gently, sighing contently. 

“Well, looks like she has no trouble with eating, that’s a good sign. I think we’ll leave you in peace, now. Nurse Franklin will bring Timothy over tomorrow, so he can meet his little sister.” Sister Julienne looks down at Shelagh and Angela, smiling as she notices that Shelagh didn’t hear a word from what she said, too focused on her daughter. 

“Thank you for everything, Sister,” Patrick says softly as he walks to the front door with her, “for everything. Not just tonight, but for all those years you took care of me. And for Shelagh.”

“It was my pleasure. I’m so grateful you allowed me to be here today and to help your beautiful baby girl into the world. Enjoy her.”

“I’m sure we will, Sister. Goodnight.”

XX

As Patrick returns after cleaning up the dirty towels and sheets, Angela has just finished feeding and is laying on her mother’s chest, who’s fast asleep. She wakes with a start as Patrick gently takes the baby from her.

“It’s just me, darling. I’m going to lay her down in her cot, you’re exhausted and you need to sleep.”

“Don’t take her away, just five more minutes.”

“Darling, you were fast asleep two minutes ago. You can hold her again tomorrow. You can hold her for the rest of your life, if you want.” Patrick lays Angela down in her cot and covers her with a thin sheet, before laying down next to Shelagh and hugging her to his chest.

“Ow, gently darling. I’m sore in places that I didn’t know I had, until just now.” Patrick chuckles and loosens his grip on Shelagh. He can still tell something isn’t right. Shelagh has spent the last ten minutes trying to find a comfortable sleeping position, which is something she only does when something is bothering her.

“You’re terrible at trying to hide things. Come on, out with it.” Shelagh sighs and turns to face Patrick.

“When are we going to move back to London?” The moment the words left her lips, she knows it’s the wrong question.

“Not until the war is over. Go to sleep.”

“But Patrick, there hasn’t been a single bombing since May. And this war has been going on for seven years now. It must stop at some point, surely.”

“It doesn’t matter. I still think it’s not a safe place for us to be, especially not now with a newborn. No Shelagh, I’m not discussing this.”

“Patrick, nobody knows when this war is going to end! It might be soon, but it might also take ten more years. My family lives there. Sister Monica Joan, Sister Evangelina, they’re all dying to meet Angela. I don’t want her to grow up without her family.” Patrick sighs and takes Shelagh’s hand.

“I know you don’t want that, love. But to be honest, I don’t feel safe there. I still remember the first night after I came back from Italy, when we had to run to a bomb shelter. You had just told me that you were pregnant and when we walked back to Nonnatus House the next morning, I saw so many dead people. Pregnant woman, men and woman with newborns or toddlers. It could be you and Angela, if we return to London. I’ve already lost too many people in my life to risk all of your lives.”

“I know you have. But it’s not just that holding you back, isn’t it? It’s your war neurosis as well. You don’t have to tell me, I can tell. I understand, we can stay her for now. I will write to the other Nonnatuns until we can go back.” Patrick can hear the disappointment in her voice. A part of him is happy that he managed to convince her to stay in Birmingham, whilst another part is scolding him for being such a selfish human being. She is hurting and missing her family. Shelagh had lived at that convent from the day she was brought in. He was brought to his adoptive family at six years old, but he never bonded with them and left the day after his 18th birthday. Of course he didn’t miss his family, the only family he has even known is asleep in the same room as he’s in right now. 

He turns his face towards her, opening his mouth to apologise and to ask her if she would like the Nonnatuns to come over, but she’s fast asleep again. Suddenly, he gets a much better idea whilst imaging the look on Shelagh’s face as the Nonnatuns surprised her. She was right that there hadn’t been a bombing for a long time in London now, so it would be relatively safe to go there. Patrick would tell Shelagh they are going out for a picnic in the country, but he would drive them to London instead. Maybe he could even convince the Sisters to throw a little surprise party at the convent. Tomorrow, he’s going to write to Sister Evangelina to tell her about his idea. It’s the least he can do for Shelagh right now.


End file.
